


I’m Not Important

by moosesshoe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel is human, Castiel works at suicide hotline, Dean Winchester commits suicide, Dean Winchester is alone, Depressed Dean Winchester, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Sam in college, Sam is a jerk, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicidal Dean Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, You Have Been Warned, suicide happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:07:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27661100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moosesshoe/pseuds/moosesshoe
Summary: After Sam left for college, he had to stop talking to his family to get out of the life. Dean was depressed and he was planning to kill himself. He calls a suicide hotline.If you are having thoughts of suicide or are suicidal, talk to a family member or friend. Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255You are not alone! <3
Relationships: n/a
Comments: 7
Kudos: 46





	I’m Not Important

Castiel just arrived at the hospital, he'd been volunteering at the suicide hotline for a year now. A few years ago he tried to kill himself. It was only after a failed attempt he realized his brother, Gabriel was there for him. Soon after he decided to start volunteering so he could help others that were in the same spot he'd been in. He got his first call of the night.

"Hello, this is the suicide hotline" Castiel said calmly. Nobody replied.

"Are you there?" Castiel asked.

"I- uh yes.. I don't really know why I called" A voice said.

"Are you having thoughts of suicide?" He asked.

"Yes, I have my 45 Caliber in my hand right now" The man said. Castiel's stomach _dropped_. He didn't know what type of gun that was, but it was a gun, and that was a _bad_ sign.

"Can you tell me your name?" Castiel said.

"Dean" he replied.

"Okay Dean, my name is Castiel.. you can call me Cas for short"

"What's going on right now?" Castiel asked.

"I'm all alone.. my parents are gone.. brother is gone.. everyone is gone" Dean said.

"Where is your family?" Castiel asked.

"My mom died when I was four, and my father left.." Dean told Cas.

"What about your brother?"

"He's at Stanford" Dean said.

"Can't you go see him still?" Castiel asked.

"No. He hates me and doesn't want to see me.. he-he doesn't ne-need me" Dean said.

"I have brothers and sure I get mad at them, but I love them still. I can assure you he doesn't hate you Dean, and you seem very kind hearted, and I don't think anyone could hate you"

"Well h-he does-s and if you knew m-me you would too" Dean said. Castiel could hear him choke back a sob.

"I don't hate you and I care about you Dean" Castiel said.

"You don't even know me" Dean said.

"That doesn't mean I don't care"

"I'm not important. I'm a nobody, a failure.. why would you?"

"No you aren't, and I was in the same place you are a few years ago"

"Y-You were?" Dean asked.

"Yes, I thought no one cared.. so I tried to kill myself. I took a bunch of pills and thought it'd all be over, but I was wrong, when I woke up my brother was there and he apologized for not being there for me, and we've been close since. You said you're brother is at Stanford right?"

"Ye-Yeah" Dean said.

"Have you ever thought about going to college" Castiel asked.

"No-Nope. I don't r-really think it's for me"

"Okay, well if you could have any job what would it be?"

"Since I was little I've always wanted to be a fireman, I like saving people you know"

"Well you won't be able to save anyone if you are dead." Castiel said.

"I-I wouldn't be-be able to d-do it anyway.. my-my dad w-wants me to continue on with t-the family b-business and I can't disappoint h-him" Dean said following a sob.

"I don't even know- _gasp.._ what I'm supposed to be- _gasp.._ doing."

"Just talking to me, you're doing excellent Dean"

"I really think if you call your brother and tell him how you're feeling it will help Dean. Can I trust you to call me back after, no matter what he says?" Castiel asked.

"Y-Yeah Cas.. I- _gasp.._ can do that" Dean said, then hung up. He dialed Sam's number in the phone. It rang four times before someone answered.

"Hello?" A woman said.

"Is Sam there?" Dean asked, trying to hide the fact he was crying.

"Yes, I will get him" she said. He heard some movement the his brother's voice.

"This is Sam, who is it?" Sam asked.

"It's uh.. it's Dean" Dean said quietly.

"Dean? Why are you calling me?" Sam said angrily.

"Can we talk? I miss yo-"

"No we can't." Sam said

"I need to go. I'm hanging up, don't call back. I made it clear that I don't want you and dad to be in my life, and that hasn't changed." Sam added. Before Dean could beg Sam not to leave, Sam hung up. Dean was going to shoot himself but then he remembered that he promised Castiel that he would call him back. So he pulled out his phone again and called the suicide hotline, tears were pouring down his cheeks and he was gasping for air.

"This is the suicide hotline" a woman said.

"Is- _gasp.._ Castiel there?" Dean asked.

"He had a work emergency and had to go"

"Oh.. okay nevermind" Dean said then hung up.

He positioned his gun below his jaw and turned the safety off. His shirt was damp with tears.

"Sorry Sammy" Dean whispered. He started to pulled the trigger then jumped by the blasting rock music. It was his phone. He decided to answer it.

"H-Hello?" Dean said.

"Dean, it's Castiel"

"Cas- gasp.. You were wr-wrong, Sam didn't want to talk.. sometimes people are past saving and it's better if the world didn't have them" Dean said. Castiel heard the distinct click of a gun.

"Dean, talk to me." Cas said.

"Sorry Cas, I'm- I'm done.." Dean said.

"Tell me where you are Dean, we can talk in person, I care about you, please don't kill yourself."

"No, Cas I'm done, no point in trying anymore.. I- gasp.. have no one to fight for" Dean said, then the line went blank. Castiel started to track the call.

"No no no no, Dean" Castiel murmured to himself as he got into his car and rushed to the motel Dean was at. Dean repositioned the gun, and this time pulled the trigger. _Dean was dead._ When Castiel got there it was _horrifying_. Dean was on the bed, gunshot wound in his head, and blood everywhere. Cas called the police and reported the suicide. He cried as he waited for them to get there. They took him away and Castiel knew what he had to do next. He flipped through the phone book and found Sam's number.

It was late so he decided to call tomorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam was about to go to class when he got a call. _No caller ID._

"Hello?" Sam said. Nobody answered.

"Is anyone there?" Sam asked. He was about to hang up when someone answered.

"Is this Sam Winchester?" A gruff voice asked. They knew his name.

"Yeah.. what do you want?" Maybe it was some hunter..

"We need to talk about your brother.. Dean"

"There's nothing to talk about.. I don't need him and he doesn't need me, so can you not bother me? I need to get to my cl-"

"Dean is dead." The voice said.

Sam's whole body went numb as his world was ripped away. _Dean is dead. Dean is dead. Dean is dead. **Dean is dead.**_

At that moment Sam knew he wouldn't stay out, he was going to find the monster who did this to his brother. He needed to get revenge, because if Dean was dead nothing else mattered.

"How? Who.. what did this to him?" Sam whispered. His voice sounded like it came from a weak child rather than the tall, moose of a man he was.

"Sam... he.. uhm" the man said hesitantly.

"What?! Tell me already!" Sam yelled through the phone.

"Dean committed suicide." He said in a deep gravely voice.

"No. Who is this... Dean wouldn't.." Sam said. _Would he?_ He thought.

"My name is Castiel Novak. I volunteer at the hospital.. I work for the suicide hotline. Your brother called.. he said he had no one left, and his brother didn't need him anymore.. I thought I saved him... but then he uh-"

"I-I did this.. it's all my fault..." Sam interrupted.

"I couldn't disagree with you there.. I told him to call you, that surely his brother didn't hate him. I was wrong. He called back and told me about your conversation... he was much worse than before, and before he was pretty bad.. he told me sometimes people are past saving and it's better if the world didn't have them. I begged him to tell me where he was, but he wouldn't. I tracked the call, but I-I was too late.. he shot himself in the head." Castiel said. It sounded like the man was crying.

"I don't know what kind of sick prank this is but I'm done listening to these lies.. Dean wouldn't kill himself, he doesn't need me and he has our father.." Sam heard all he needed to hear. He hung up on Castiel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**_Six days later..._ **

Sam had ignored that sick prank call and continued with his classes for the rest of the week. It had to be a prank, some hunter who was mad he got out or something..

A small voice in his head told him otherwise... maybe he was in denial because he couldn't accept the fact Dean was dead and he could prevented it by saying something else when he called.. or maybe if he never picked up Dean would be alive.

He just got back from a date with this cute girl, Jessica. He saw a package in front of his apartment. He picked it up and set it on the table. He read who it was from and saw a name he never expected to be there. _Bobby Singer, Sioux Falls._ When he opened it there was two envelopes. Sam opened the first one.

**_Sam,_ **

**_Castiel said he called you, but you still haven't reached out.. I'm not sure if you care but Dean's funeral is on Sunday, we are doing it hunter style. The other envelope is from Dean. He made it very clear to get it to you. I miss you boy, and hope to see you at the funeral.. you at least owe your brother that._ **

**__ **

**_-Bobby_ **

Sam _froze_ with the note in his hand. This meant Dean was _actually dead_. It wasn't a sick prank, and it _was his fault_. Sam's legs gave out and he crashed to the floor. He sobbed for hours staying in the same spot on the ground. He finally got up and opened Dean's envelope. There was a note, his amulet, and the keys to the impala.

**_Sammy,_ **

**__ **

**_I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be a good big brother Sam, I know how you must've seen me. I drank too much and had a different girl every week. I wasn't a good brother and I wouldn't wanna be around me either. I'm a grunt, a failure. The only thing I know how to do is kill. I'm proud of you Sammy, you never really needed me. Not like I needed you. I was lame.. I depended on my baby brother, and when you told me you were leaving for Stanford I was so proud and happy for you.. I was ready to pack my bags and go with you. Then you told me that you didn't need me, that you didn't want to be a freak who hunts monsters. I understand, I'm not mad.. and it's not your fault, the world is better without me, so don't beat yourself up about it. I used to drive to Stanford and make sure you were okay, I can't explain the joy I felt when I saw you with that pretty girl. Don't get back into the family business because of me, or dad.. stay out, marry that girl and have a few snot nosed kids, white picket fence.. an apple pie life. Go get that, because you can have that, you deserve it. I never was meant to have that life. I'm so proud of you Sammy. Take care of my baby, she's all yours._ **

**_-Dean_ **

"Damn it, Dean" Sam whispered to himself, but then he realized Dean was right.. not about Dean being a failure, but Sam would've told Dean to get lost, if he'd shown up at his apartment. Not that he didn't want to see his brother, but it was the only way Sam could stay safe. Dean was a hunter and people around them get dead. Sam wanted a normal life, but now _Dean was dead._ That's _all_ that mattered now. Sam _would_ see his brother again. _At any cost._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)  
> Hopefully you enjoyed it, sorry it’s sad and dark but I like to write that type of stuff. Comments are appreciated!
> 
> Leave kudos if you liked it!! :)


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